I have like 1 billion & 2 emotions and things running through my head & i can't decide which one to ignore, forget, think about, cry about, or laugh about...
1) boys are dumb
sorry to any boys out there
there's probably some decent guys that are brilliant out there
but man, the majority of your species doesn't do you much good hahaha
i haven't had much luck with findin a good guy through my long 18 years of life
but i kinda blame myself!
i learned something about myself lately... it's scary when you find a good guy!
i don't know why, but it scares me! if you understand me (which i know most girls do) then you can
probably give me some advice.
if you have found a real jerk... i can give you advice about some of those :]
2) you know i think it's fun when you realize what a pig a guy is
& then he still tries talking to you
i got a good laugh outta that today :]
i laughed out loud when he tried flirting with me today
um excuse me mr. does your girlfriend know your talking to me?
the sad thing is... the 3 girls your hooking up with right now probably do know.
hahahaha
it's not that i actually enjoy talking to you.
i just don't feel like dealing with the tears when i tell you how i really feel about you
that sounds rude...
oh well hahaha
in the case of running into you at college & church & all. oh boy
those lines you were throwing out tonight were FUNNY!!!
3) me & my girls are visiting Lindsay's grave tomorrow...
it's been 4 months today that she passed away.
i didn't know i'd be this sad about it!
Part of me feels like i don't deserve to be sad cause i wasn't her best friend when she passed away... but i miss her a lot.
maybe it's cause she died 3 days before her 19th birthday?
maybe it's cause the pain she went through before she left must have been unbearable.
i can't think about that.
our dance team that year was amazing!
Lindsay really did teach me sooo much, and every since i feel like i've been walking around with a weight on my shoulders. I don't know if i know how to deal with it?
But when all fails & all is wrong. i do know one thing.
i have my girls with me.
my dance girls. i love them to pieces. & always will!
forever & ever! i love them so much.
4) NEW MOON:
what the crap new moon?
i thought i had my head on straight! Jacob = bad & Edward = good
now you gotta go makin jacob all smoking hott & edward all ugly
it was not supposed to be like this!
did i just turn into a jacob fan??
confusion
you see what i mean? i have a confusing brain.
5) i'm gonna miss my mommy
i leave for college in 6 days & i can't wait!
except i'm so close with my mom & i won't see her everyday :[
6) boys make life complicated. yup.
7) i have a lot to say... & you wouldn't know!
- i hope he was worth our friendship
-i'm scared
- i think you're annoying & a pig
-it's never ok to think you are not good enough for a boy & i'm always right, end of discussion.
-you are the bravest person i've ever met
- i really miss you
-every time you text me i have a panic attack hahahaha
-i can do it, i know i can
-sorry, it's kinda hard to express how i feel towards you but thank you for all you do & i love you & will miss you a lot
-wow i held this in too long
-i look up to you.
-i listened to your song and i wasn't afraid anymore
8) missionaries:
i can't think about when my brother will come home or i'll pee my pants with excitement!
my brother is the one reason i still believe in good guys
I want to be his best friend when he comes home!
one of my guy friends just left on a mission
and his best friend is like really depressed
it's really cute how much he cares
but i'm not kidding this is a serious bromance we got goin on
HAHAHAHAHA
that was for lauren :] hahahahaha
oh i'll miss her too
p.s. i have a french pen pal! he's a sweetie!
9) WHAT IF:
i wanna do so much in the future!
what if i don't do it all?
what if i get fired?
what if i don't live up to my potential?
what if i don't do everything i want to?
what if i don't have enough time left to make a difference?
i quite enjoy this getting stuff off my chest thing.
this might be the last thing. it's a big one.
10) my first real heart break.
hmmm... how do i say this?
you know it's rude that i still think about you everyday?
guess what, a couple weeks ago i realized you're really not that great guy i had been thinking you were all this time. and i actually felt ok inside..
guess what? today, i forgot it.
When you get home. i don't wanna see you, please don't talk to me.
if i ever saw you, i'd just cry. hurt tears.
i might not ever have closure, but i will be ok.
duhh i will haha i'm not the only person to be torn apart.
LUCKILY, the first time common sense came knockin telling me you are a big FAT LIAR
i wouldn't let myself love you as much as i did.
i don't do a good job listening to myself. & i definately didn't listen then.
ouch, that still hurts, it definately left a huge bruise.
i HATE crying, i HATE that you made me cry, i HATE i cried for more than 2 days.
i HATE that you had the guts to write me and tell me your feelings were true
i HATE that i know you're still talking to her.
i HATE that everyone looked at me like i was dumb
UGH I HATE that i suck at trying to tell you how i feel.
i hate that you'll never know.
but i don't hate you, nope i don't. if i hate you then you'll still have a part of me.
no matter what crap you go through, you might as well laugh about it now :] cause when it comes down to it... everything will look better tomorrow. I AM TOO BLESSED TO BE DEPRESSED. that one i got from brother tesch. my friends are so amazing, wow what would i do without them!! i have the best family a girl could ask for. i think i'm smart for my age. i think i've had enough bad experiences to never make someone else feel the way i have. i think everything happens for a reason, and i think ... no matter how gloomy the future looks... no matter how much you want to give up... everything will work out how it is meant to. AND i KNOW my father in heaven knows exactly who i am and how i feel... & he loves everyone just the same. & everyone deserves to be treated like the child of God that they are.
THE END.
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