so far this year...

alright, the internet better not fail on me this time! haha

well, yesterday morning Melissa (roomie) & I woke up at

5:40am to get these excellent parking passes.

the office opened at 8am bytheway.

when we got there we were close to 150th in line just to give you an idea of

how important this is. however, we did get our RESERVED UNDERGROUND parking passes. $80 later... ouch.

So far Liberty Square has been very successful at taking my money.

BUT,

I am very happy with my apartment (which is still being assembled) & my roommate & our ward. A lot of potential in there... if you know what i mean :] haha

how else do i meet boys!??? come on.

it is funny because i am sure that a lot of people have assumptions about me.

like every body does to everyone else... making judgments before getting to actually know someone. I do it too! Well, I know myself & I know who I want to be & I know i'm really hard on myself about my short comings. But I don't know what you see.

Do guys I meet know I go long long amounts of time between relationships?

because they are not just another person to make me feel safe. they are MINE, & they matter.

I learned something valuable today while doing my philosophy homework.

going through sorrows & disappointments & struggles doesn't make you a weak person. It makes you understanding.

knowledgeable.

over the course of 2010 i have struggled to over a heartbreaking trial

i have overcome this ordeal & feel so so wise.

but when i relapse in sadness, i'd get so frustrated at myself thinking...

now i just undid everything i worked so hard to conqueror.

now this is another wall i have to climb over.

NO!

that is not true.

the sadness & life changing heart break i had to go through

& the length of time it took me to let go of it

does in no way reflect weakness

it reflects wisdom & lessons being learned so i could gain

understanding

of anguish & bliss

and the outstanding beauty of both.

i could grow closer to my best friend Jesus Christ

so i can & will never be able to forget the nights he lifted my burden

& the days he carried me because i couldn't walk alone

that he felt all of that.

for me.

lessons like that & many many more about life

and even the tender memories of times past that tug on my heart

make me remember i am alive & i felt with my entire soul

because that's who i am

i am a passionate person

if you are in my life

you matter.

so there ya go.

another lesson learned, & so many more lessons to go :]

i have soooo much to learn.

especially about myself haha

can i ask you a question?

why is it SO SO very easy to forget who you are?

to feel insignificant & worthless.

i suppose that is why when you find that within yourself

that is why so many people try to tear that away from you.

they are afraid of you

& what you can do.

because you have found what we have all lost

what we are searching for.

BUT

what we can all find.

our light

this will be a good....

GREAT year :]

it is coming....

that thing that i've been waiting for,

i feel it.

so as soon as i got back from France/Scotland

I came straight back to work, moving, then school.

it's been a crazy ride that i can finally step back & appreciate

1 year ago i could have slipped away without notice

but this year,

this year i have made a life for myself.

Meagan Mariah

i've got a lot going on but in a good way!

i wouldn't have it any other stressful way haha.

so i'm starting my work field hours next tuesday :]

which means i'll be volunteering in an Elementary school class

& might get to teach a lesson

or help with a project

or grade papers

ahhh, i was so meant to do this.

YOU GUYS! i'm happy!

what makes me smile:

(first day of school pic)

LETTERS!, LAUGHTER, THE SPIRIT, UNDERSTANDING,

the challenge to discover what i don't understand.

the perfect melody

the perfect lyric

the perfection of an imperfect life :]

pure, honest, loyal friends

spontaneity

institute: Dating & courtship haha.

i had to :]

& so far, i'm impressed

p.s. Cori Fox (right) is responsible for the documentation of my 2nd year in college so far.

& Let me tell you something. that girl is special,

she just needs to figure it out.

she can do ANYTHING she wants to do

& could single handedly get you a 6 pack from laughing so hard

just sayin.

Cori & I working the GREENOUT welcome back dance at UVU. so fun!

the girls + Chewy on Stage.

i heart photo booth ;]

well... so far this is my life & it's been 1 week of the semester.

bring

it

on.

♥

i just wrote the best blog ever!

A LONG ONE!

& the internet failed & the whole thing was lost right after i pressed publish

SCREW TECHNOLOGY

You are the best thing. That's ever been mine ♥

"if i die young" by the band perry

"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living & your belief will help create the fact."

♥

TO: Sophmore year LOVE: Me

"seems i was walking in the wrong direction,

i barely recognized my own reflection.

scared of love but scared of life alone...

seems i've been playing on the safe side baby,

building walls around my heart to save me.

but it's time for me to let it go

i'm ready to feel now, no longer am i afraid of the fall down

it must be time to move on now,

without the fear of how it might end

i guess i'm ready to love again.

just when we think that love will never find you

you run away but still it's right behind you

it's just something we can't control

so come and find me.

i'll be waiting up for you,

i'll be holding out for you tonight.

i'm ready to feel now, no longer am i afraid of the fall down

it must be time to move on, without the fear of how it might end

i guess i'm ready to love again."'

♥

i'm ready to love again.

p.s. pictures from my trip will be posted soon!

the end

Dear Freshman year,

Wow, I don't know where to begin. 1 year ago we began this relationship & I was beyond exciting. I gave you my all & had high hopes for where this thing could go. Maybe I was naive but I had no clue what would happen in this journey. It's definitely been a rollercoaster between us but we stuck it out. I learned a lot from this so I don't consider you a mistake... You gave me alot. Even the typical 15 pounds! Thanks for being so generous. Ok, so I was being a little sarcastic. I'm sorry! But because of you I met so many great people & the opportunities you gave me were endless. I believe you taught me to stand on my own & even though the transition was rough at times... it wasn't all bad! Like that one time lexie & I had a whipped cream & chocolate syrup fight. *smile* good times... So our relationship has been pretty good right? I mean it was everything it was supposed to be. But sometimes people just have to move on. It's not you, it is me. I just have to do this for me because I've outgrown this relationship. We both need to move on. I hope you are happy!

-Meagan

This Week

song to listen to:

"complainte de la butte" by rufus wainwright

from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack

it is fitting for my upcoming week ;]

Looking forward to:

Paris France

the coast of france: Nantes, France

Goal:

to take a picture in Notre Dame looking like the Hunchback. This WILL be done.

Not to look like this when I get home... haha.

This is a pic my sister took because on iphones there is now an app to make you look fat

she will hate me for posting this, so if she is reading....

SORRY! :]

Only 1 person is following my blog hahaha

yesss i'm a rockstar

Thinking about:

Cafe Rio that my bud Jared is bringing me for lunch

Dreading:

the 14 hour plane ride

Excited about:

moving out of Glenhood

Obsessed with:

the new TV show (well, new to me) Friday Night Lights

umm. THE END!

I am a Pirate, you are a Princess

"everyday is a chance to make a new ending"

Matt & I after the Freedom 5k run

Good ol' Sampolini

midnight Beto's runs

summer is almost over :[

I will be in provo for 3 more days.

I am working everyday & packing until thursday.

THEN IM GOING TO PARIS!

When i get back school starts right away. Which i must say I am excited about.

Fall is the best semester to be at UVU.

PLUS, I will be super busy with extra curricular activities like...

Dance committee, Service-Learning program (i'll be a program director), Department Rep for Elementary Education, & Orientation Leader.

I am really excited for what lies ahead this upcoming year of college!

I remember starting my blog 1 year ago right before i left for Provo.

I think back to that person I was last August & I know I have changed... a lot.

But I hope they been positive changes, in fact I know most of them have.

I feel that the Meagan 1 year ago was probably a bit more careless, possibly worries less? & had more hope for the future ahead of me.

Maybe that was all naïvety though... the feeling you remember from being a kid.

you worried less because there was less to worry about!

I still can't decide if growing up is a good thing or a bad thing!?

But I think the old me didn't believe in herself as much.

I feel that although 1 year ago I was more carefree, I am much stronger now.

I still believe in a bright future but not as recklessly.

My major concerns have definitely changed.

Maybe this year will teach me to recklessly hope, love, & live again.

To recklessly be Me.

We will see :] but until then I am perfectly content with my life right now!

Things I love:

creative lyrics

music that makes my heart burst

orientation & all of the leaders

laughter

sunshine

warmth

anything containing peanut butter & chocolate :]

Henderson, Nevada

my family

being completely ridiculous

the lessons I have learned from depending on myself

feeling accomplished

love

clothes!

true friends

the gospel

OH! & in conclusion I got to church today and a member of the bishopric goes "we need you to bear your testimony at the end of the meeting" I was sooo nervous! freaking out for sure. But it went fairly well.

Lexie & I at the Secondhand Serenade concert

this song is amazzzing.

Christina Aguilera is sooo talented.

check out this music video of her new song "you lost me"

t-minus 3 days till i go to France :]